Mixed feelings
by PurplePachy
Summary: Lapis lazuli and Peridot life at the barn after the crystal gems left, and the start of their relationship.


Lapis return.

A Lapidot Fanfiction

 _Hi, i'm Purplepachy and this is my first fanfiction._

 _I'll be happy to read your reviews and advice (if you have any) so that i can improve !_

 _there will be more chapters to come but i don't have a shedule yet so i'll post them when they'll be finished._

 _i hope you like the story, good reading!_

 _English isn't my native language so please do tell me is you see any mistake._

* * *

It's been 6 days since Steven and the others had was reparing the roof that she messed up with some time ago when she saw lapis lazuli landing near the water had been gone for 2 days now, apparently wanting to "investigate" the earthen wildlife. Peridot felt relieved, she wasn't sure that Lapis would come back so quickly...if not ever. Sure lapis had stopped being mean and harsh with Peridot, but they weren't very close either.

Peridot didn't understood why Lapis felt the need to "connect" with nature. Sure thing nature on earth was impressive and complex, but it was just another cycle of survival in order to the growth of mortal life, nothing new, at least for her.

Peridot wrapped up her work and swiftly climb down the ladder. As she was thinking of what to say to her "barnmate" and how to say it, she realised how fast she was walking, she slowed down a bit before lapis could notice it.

-"hey lazuli" she shouted "how was your little trip?"

They met up halfway between the watertank and the barn, lapis waited befor they were close to answer.

-"it was really great Peridot, missed me much?"

-"Pfff What?! Me? Yeah right, like i would!"

She blushed so hard she almost became a Ruby. Her roommate noticed it and, with her little satisfied smirk, she push Peridot's head with her elbow. The wind blew gently around them as the laughed together.

-"No really Lapis, tell me what you saw, just for the sake of dicussion?"

Peridot realised that, it may be only wildlife, but she genuinly wanted to know what transpired of lapis's little journey.

-"Nothing really happend, and this is what's so great about nature, nothing screaming, lashing or and hurting you. It's always peacefull and calme."

-"...So...if you don't mind me asking but...why did you came back?"

Lapis looked her in the eye, no, beyond that...

She didn't answer.

After 5 long seconds of awkward silence, lapis finally said

-" it's beginning to be late, i'm gonna go lie down a for a while."

-"wait...You sleep now? I knew Amethyst did but..."

-"yeah, it kinda grew on me you know.."

-"...okay."

Peridot stood there, after a few steps lapis truned around:

-"you commin' ?"

-"Me? Why?" She said nervously.

-"as much as i love the wildlife, it reminded me that being alone sucks, there's always a part of me that remind me of that time in the ocean..."

-"lazuli, it may not be much but ...i'm sorry.."

-"Come on Peri, it's not your fault! Don't blame yourself please.. for me."

Lapis felt that that Peridot was escaping her sight.

They both made their way to the barn.

Peridot had put together a little bonfire 2 days ago, she grabbed a few branches from her stock and set them aflame. The dusk was warm, a few lightflares were scorching over the horizon. All they could hear was the slow wind passing through the blades of grass and the little insects squeeking.

Lapis lazuli told her friend what appened out in the forest. And Peridot ran through all the upgrade she made to the barn. They spend the evening talking about what they thought about the crystal gems and was still suspicious towards Pearl, she didn't know the other 2 very well.

Peridot reassured her that she may seem like a bad person, due to the rebelion, but that she was also a very kind and understanding gem too. Pearl and Peridot became much closer after the "yellow diamond" episode.

She told her of her trip to the center of the earth with steven and how he dealt with the cluster, lapis laughed.

As the night grew darker, Peridot felt the need to say something to her roommate.

-" You know, i was really scared when the guys brought you back to the barn,

And when you woke up... I tought you despised me, but i'm relieved you ... you tried to...you know..."

-"Peridot! I... i'm sorry, it's just that i was still in termoil about jasper ,and i wasn't myself. But i am now and believe me when i say that i'm glad you didn't gave up on me. It means a lot."

-" Come on Lazuli, everybody would've-"

Lapis hugged her, crushing her head on her chest.

Caught by surprise, Peridot didn't get it at first. Didn't know how to react. But she quickly calmed as she put her arms around her back.

-" i was alone and homeless" lapis said.

"...and i didn't realized that you had to endure the same experience, but i had you...and you... had no one!"

-"...There there you clod, don't feel bad, i was not the one trapped undersea for months...and i'm here now...you don't have to worry anymore..."

Lapis wept , her tears ran along her cheeks and dropped down on Peridot's little hands.

Peridot felt a burning heat in her gemstone, tearing apart all fears and inibition...

She release herself from the weeping gem, looked her in the eye for a second that lasted for a thousand year.

She leaned forward and kissed her friend, slowly, passionatly, putting in all she had ever held back behind her role as a typical Peridot back on homeworld.

Lapis froze.

Locked in the instant.

She couldn't move nor breath nor understand.

She just felt, almoste with terror, how right this was, how true it seemed.

She kissed back quickly and they wrapped their arms around one another so tight it almost hurt.

After long seconds Peridot broke the embrace, she was about to speak.

Lapis didn't let her, she took big chunks of her hair and forced another kiss.

Peridot didn't hold back.

Moving her hands around her hips, Peridot's gem began to glow, slowly but fiercly...and she noticed a flash of blue light from her kisser's back.

A that moment, lapis reopened her eye and pushed Peridot carefully away, she panicked and her gem glow grew weaker, faded out.

Peridot didn't get it at first, what happend, had she done something wrong?

Lapis explained herself.

-"Peri! I... I can't, it's too much i need..."

-"Hey hey hey don't worry, i shouldn't have... "

-"No no really it's okay, it's me...i'm ...i'm just not ready to fuse again...i know it's sellfish and i'm sorry but the thought of being trapped again...i can't ...i can't bear it ...not now...not so soon.."

Peridot felt relieved.

-"lazuli, i don't want to fuse, i mean, yeah it would be a great experience but i won't ask that of you...i shouldn't have kissed you... it was wrong."

Peridot began to realise what just happend, she felt relieved that Lapis had no problem with her, but she wasn't sure how herself should feel.

-"don't say that, i know what you fell because i felt it too, Peridot i know it was not a mistake..."

No matter what she might say, Peridot's fear started to come back.

-" ...but i hurted you, and i don't know what to do to chee-

-"you don't need to, see i'm fine i just...i just can't fuse right now, not for a time at least. But hear me out Peri, you didn't do wrong, i've-

Peridot interupted Lapis abruptly.

-"I don't want to be rude lapis but i just can't think straight right now, i need to cool off a bit, i'm gonna go for a walk."

Without waiting for an answer, Peridot left the barn, she was heading into the forest.

She began to talk to herself making sure lapis didn't followed her.

-"Great job Peridot, veeeeery nice move, and why was there a move in the first place?! It was a simple, friendly hug and then BAM i jump at her lips like that?! Why, why me, why now...

And now i did what, left her alone while she is still suffering from her imprisonment wich is by the way a great time to kiss her right Peridot?

..i'm just a dumb clod who can't think about anything but herself...and can't think straight at that!"

She sat down at the base of a huge tree trunk and began to cry slowly, removing her glasses and rubbing her eyes.

-" What will she think when i'll come back... she kissed me back but it may... no it definitly was because of the heat of the moment, she didn't knew what she was doing... how can a gem like her could possibly feel something else than hate and despise against a simple engineer like me..."

She wrapped her arms around her knees and put her head down, crying and weeping.

She heard a clap of thunder coming from afar and didn't react. Why would she?

When the rain began, Peridot still hadn't a care in the world, her hair was going to be soaked and impossible to stay in place afterward...

Except it didn't.

The sad gem heard the rain but felt no water on her body. When she lifted her head, she saw lapis, right in front of her.

"What? How? (She tought) oh...the wings..."

Lapis was standing, her hand slightly tilted upwards as she was stopping the rain from touching Peridot.

-" You know, i've spent hudreds of years locked inside a mirror, people telling me what to do... when i broke out and went home, i was inprisoned and tortured for information... but from this point on, every single decision that will affect my life...will be decided by my own free will. I decided not to return to homeworld, i've decided to travel and discover the earth, a few days back i've decided to get back to you and back there in the barn...it was i whom decided to kiss you back..."

-"But Lazuli...why me?!"

-"Because i've seen what you did with steven... you did everything in your power to convince me to stay with you, because you knew that me being alone... You believed in the fact that i could change...

And i did. And now..."

She knelt down in front of her and as her hands began to gently dry off Peridot's tears.

Peridot fell a few drop beginning to drop down on her forhead and her gem.

-"...It's payback time!"

She leaned forward, eyes wide open and almost piercing Peridot's, losing themselves into an heated embrac, passionate, uncertain but true to their hearts.

Peridot's pain were gone, like they had never appeared in the first place...6

Her arms slowly ascended on Lapis back, one of her hand stopped at her gemstone behind her back while the other reached her long and thin neck, trying to lock the instant forever and without intention of ever letting it go away.

Lapis places both of hers on her lover's hips

They stayed locked in this moment for a long time, the rain droped on them as if they were tears of joy...

When their lips parted ways, lapis's forhead touched Peridot's gemstone, they looked each other in the eye...

And laughed.

-"I love you..."

End of chapter one


End file.
